This weekend, I visited with a good friend on Saturday morning and then traveled to Austin. A cold front blew through on Saturday evening, and when I woke up, the seminary grounds were covered in snow and ice. The weather today made it very dangerous to go anywhere. I risked driving to a grocery store to get food and made it back safely to my room. Weather forecasters expect a frigid morning, with a slight break in the cold tomorrow afternoon.

    The weather brought an unexpected retreat. I am alone in a three-story building on the campus of Austin Presbyterian School of Theology. Occasionally, I leave my room to go upstairs and admire the wintry scene. Today, I wrote an article for an online hemophilia magazine and read another chapter of Grateful by Diana Butler Bass.

    I enjoy the book because the author goes beyond the surface when discussing gratitude. In chapter 2, Butler Bass explores the challenge of maintaining gratitude while living with trauma. As a survivor of childhood trauma, I found her documentation of personal history authentic and grounded.

    Those who carry the scars of abuse have a complex relationship with gratefulness. Sometimes, wounds remain, leaving us conflicted about gratitude. We may whitewash reality, hiding resentments and hurts that hinder forgiveness and joy.

    In recovery, I found the journey toward wholeness, noticing where joy appears. I discover pockets of gratitude along my path. This is my authentic way to express sorrow while letting joy surface. I can hold mourning and gratitude at once.

    Whatever happens, I am grateful for my choices. My road may be bumpy, but thanks be to God, I still experience healing on this journey.