Resentment that Never Let’s Go

Most of you who know me understand that I entered adulthood with a lot of scars.  I did not come from a conventional home, and some of the events in my childhood left wounds that I am still hoping to heal.  As I journey through the wilderness during this Lenten season, I think back to my younger self and the man that I am today.  I give thanks that somehow, someway I did not let my past define me.  God can do tell me who I am just fine!

I reflect back on the hurt and the shame, but most of all the resentment.  The most important part of being made whole is letting go of the wreckage of the past.  It is the only way to move forward.  We must be free.

As I wrote my last blog, I thought to myself, “Yeah, this making your load lighter is great, but what if the baggage weighs a ton and a half.  How do you get rid of all of the mess?” The only way I know how to lighten the load is to take one piece at a time.  It is impossible to move the heaviest hurts and heartaches all at the same time.  Each piece must be held, examined properly, and then removed.

Sometimes we have to stop and hold an item for a very long time and simply grieve. Through our tears, we will find the strength to let go of the one, little fabric that reminds us of the greatest parts of our struggles.  We will eventually release it into the air and allow the Spirit to infuse us with a little bit of joy.  Our work is not easy and requires time and perseverance.

Today, I thank God for the kid that survived his childhood.  I am grateful for his passion for life.  It continues to serve me well.  I would love to go back to the little boy in the front yard and grab his hand and assure him that this is all temporary.  He will soar.  “Don’t give up and know that despite what anyone else calls you, you are a child of God.”

About joekmac

I am a pastor in the United Methodist Tradition. I am the Pastor of Rio Rancho United Methodist Church in the New Mexico Annual Conference. I am married to Cazandra and have two sons with hemophilia.
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