The Stillness is Deafening

     It is Shabbat, and no one would even know that something horrific happened yesterday. The bodies were laid to rest, and the crosses came down, giving the false impression that everything turned back to normal. I asked myself, “What is normal now?” I followed Jesus without hesitation, expecting something great, only to be let down. I try to put the recent events behind me, but I cannot dismiss the sorrow I feel. There is a feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I go to synagogue out of a sense of ritual, nothing more.

     What is next? I search for the answers, praying that God will guide us. “Please, dear God, “I pray, “let the life of Jesus matter.” The light of hope remains within the deepest resources of my soul. I feel that this is not the end, but I have no idea how anything can happen now. Jesus is dead, and nothing can overcome the fact that he no longer walks the earth. But he said something about being with us always. I cry out, “Oh, Lord, show me love in a way that I cannot imagine. Bring me comfort.”

     All I want to do is sleep and forget any of the events that recently passed. Maybe if I turn my attention away from everything, I will not focus so hard on my sorrow. Perhaps I can continue with all the gifts I grew to learn about life through the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. I walk towards the unknown, unsure of how to remain present in a world that killed the Son of God. It makes no sense to me. For now, I will not rock the boat and wait in the hope for something big to happen.

Published by joekmac

I am a pastor in the United Methodist Tradition. I am the Pastor of Hamlin Memorial United Methodist Church in the New Mexico Annual Conference. I am married to Cazandra and have two sons with hemophilia.

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